The last time I talked with my mother was Christmas Day last year. I called to wish her Merry Christmas and to let her know we would be there on New Year’s Day. She died roughly 48 hours later.
Like many people around the world, 2020 was a hard year. Really hard. So, when I tell you about my mother, please know that I realize I’m not the only one to have suffered a heart-breaking loss. No, my mother did not die of COVID-19; she had a stroke last February and was transferred to a nursing rehab center near my hometown where she eventually spent months trying to recover. Then, the lockdown happened, and all nursing home visits stopped.
Later, we made the difficult decision to take her home. (My parents had been married 56 and didn’t want to be apart any longer during the pandemic.) I moved in with them for about six months to help.
At first, Mom seemed to be making progress with home health nurses who visited three to four days a week. She was eating more and seemed almost like her old self. We were hopeful she would make a full recovery. Then, around Thanksgiving, something changed, and we had to start making make those hard, end-of-life decisions with her.
Finally, she was admitted to hospice care. We were told she had only a few months. But it happened quicker than we could have imagined. On Dec. 27, 2020, Dad called to tell me that Mom was actively dying, and that the hospice nurse was there. My husband and I threw ourselves into the car and began the 3.5-hour drive to my hometown.
Mom died about an hour before we got there.
Surviving the loss of a loved one at any time of the year is hard. It’s especially hard during the holidays. Trust me, I know. We’ll be doing the some of the same things we always do like having a family get-together on Christmas Eve, opening presents, playing games, and enjoying one another’s company. We also may try some new things. Who knows? Maybe will start a new tradition.
Hopefully, there’ll be plenty of laughter and smiles to assuage our grief. But I’m sure, there will be sadness and tears when I hear her favorite Christmas carol “Silver Bells” or when I eat a Hello Dolly cookie like the ones she used to make especially for me. I’m okay with that.
If, like me, you’ll be trying to survive the holidays because you’re missing a loved one who has died, please know I feel your pain. Take it easy on yourself. Let the grief have its time, but not all your time at Christmas. Find things that make your soul sing! Volunteer at a homeless shelter or adopt a less fortunate family and take them food and gifts.
What will get me through the next couple of weeks is the belief that I will see Mom again in heaven where there will be no more tears.
In the meantime, I’ll take comfort from God’s word:
Matthew 5:4 (NIV)
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
Revelation 21:4 (NIV)
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Be encouraged.